this one goes out to the silent ranks.

i almost forgot i had a blog. that can't be good.

i want to apologize for not updating this like i should (like you all care, haha) and for not religiously following blogs ilke i should be haha. once i start procrastinating again, i will certainly follow and comment (:

well, things are looking good here on my end. i should be , of course, writing a paper, but im at starbucks obviously not. haha.

i tried catching up on some blogs i've been reading lately, and i dont know who is reading this BUT i want to give a huge shout out to my navy girlfriend family. yes, i consider ladies i have not met (some i have, but most i have not) family. you know why? because, sometimes, these are the only people who know what i'm going through. why i do the crazy shit i do. why i will take two trains, a bus, a metro and another bus to get to annapolis to visit my midshipman when i have no car on campus. why my heart swells with pride and why i get goosebumps everytime i hear the national anthem. why, at 20 years old, i'm dying to be engaged and am getting sadder by the day as commissioning gets closer. why i cry every night before i go to bed, because commissioning day is looming over us. they understand. they accept. they don't judge. they know the emotional wreck that we can all be. we all may have started talking (or met) for one reason, but we are friends for many more. i draw inspiration from the navy wives and fiances and girlfriends and how we remain so strong even in the toughest of times. i admire the women who have stayed for years, no matter what happened. i admire the ones who have gone through plebe summer, plebe year, live across the country, gone through 6 week trainings underway or on a boat with no communication. i admire the ones going to grad school while their men are at school or deploying. these women have been there for me and everyone else like we've been friends forever. they are selfless and amazing, and  i only hope that i can stay as strong as all of you. thank you all for being there for me. no matter what. even if you dont know how you have been. knowing that i am a part of this family makes me feel so much better.

 i've gone through a lot of struggles with my friends here at home, and i realize that i am almost nothing like them. the minute i became a navy girlfriend, my life drastically changed paths from all of theirs. and they dont know what its like, or understand, and probably dont even care all that much. they dont know ANYTHING about the military.. they only see that my boy comes home every weekend, as a firstie. they only see that i go down for military balls and football games. they think its a regular college. they have no idea the fear that i am feeling for the minute his shoulderboards and cover changes and he becomes, Ensign Carlos A. Plazas, USN. and he has to leave. and hardly ever come back. and knowing that i am not going with him. my biggest fear is that i will not be his next of kin when he deploys. that i will not know when he is coming home, if any plans change, or if God forbid, something unexpected and bad happens. two weeks ago's episode of army wives was my worst fear on television and i cried for hours after that episode.

i cant even continue writing because im at a starbucks in a barnes and nobles, and im going to start bawling hysterically if i do continue.

but thank you, to my navy family. i love you all