hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate it HATE IT.
why can't (or rather) DON'T they show any consideration towards the people that keep them running and successful?! i feel like the people they hurt the most are the people that allow them to do what they do. US. the family, the friends, the significant others. i really hate it. they don't realize how much planning goes into every single thought we make that includes our loved one who goes there... and then finally, when it seems that everything goes right and is all set, BAM. they hit you with some BULLSHIT and ruins EVERYTHING. from little things as missed events to huge things like ruining after-commissioning plans.
hate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate ithate it hate it hate it hate it HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE IT
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Sunday, March 27, 2011
worst. episode. ever
i love the show army wives. i'd probably love it even if i wasn't a navy girlfriend. but the fact that i am makes it more real. especially tonight's episode. the one that realized my worst fear in the entire world.
i hate the feeling of helplessness, and that's exactly how tanya felt in the episode. (doesnt help her name is so close to mine haha). the feeling that nobody cares, that you're unimportant, and that youre feelings don't matter.
' i'm sorry maam, but these matters can only be discussed with the next of kin.'' know what that means? its just a big FUCK YOU. well you know what i say to that? FUCK YOU too. i don't give a shit about what you have to say and your fake ass condolences.
i kno what im getting myself into, but each and every day, i get more and more scared.
i hate the feeling of helplessness, and that's exactly how tanya felt in the episode. (doesnt help her name is so close to mine haha). the feeling that nobody cares, that you're unimportant, and that youre feelings don't matter.
' i'm sorry maam, but these matters can only be discussed with the next of kin.'' know what that means? its just a big FUCK YOU. well you know what i say to that? FUCK YOU too. i don't give a shit about what you have to say and your fake ass condolences.
i kno what im getting myself into, but each and every day, i get more and more scared.
Saturday, March 26, 2011
five things.
got this off hannah's page (:
Me in a Nutshell
Five things you will find if you open my bag:
1. Juicy Wallet
2. car keys / apartment key/store key/RU id
3. hand sanitizer
4. makeup bag
5. a ton of useless things, lol
Five things in my bedroom:
1. a ton of clothes and shoes
2. the paddle my lovely little made me
3. lots of navy things!
4. my drake poster
5. old trophies (:
Five things I’ve always wanted to do in my life:
1. go on a cruise (preferably the mediterranean)
2. marry the most wonderful man
3. Be successful
4. earn the title of doctor
5. help the world, and my family.
Five things that make me happy:
1. my boy
2. my sister
3. shopping
4. feeling that everything is fallen into place.
5. my cat
Five things I’m currently into:
1. my super hott boyyy (;
2. floral prints
3. dresses
4. naked juices
5. coffee
Five things on my to-do list:
1. all the work i need to get done for school
2. find a place to live next year
3. plan a mini vacay this summer!
4. find a summer job
5. buy a straightener!
Five things people may or may not know about me:
1. i'm muslim, half egyptian & half caribbean
2. i'm a very outspoken person
3. rutgers' 12
4. 2nd degree black belt, instructor & 2 time weapons state champion in taekwondo
5. it doesnt take much to make me happy.
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
ramble on.
i love that i'm classy. i love that i know i'm classy. i love who i am. i love that i can make my own decisions. i love that i have the world on my shoulders and i know that eventually i will be able to handle it and accomplish it. i love being in love.
i don't like people who show off. i don't like people who are gold diggers. i don't like people who climb to the 'top' and forget who got them there. i don't like people who judge others to be inferior because its not what they chose for themselves. i don't like people who judge me for what they don't see. i don't like people who can't handle me.
be humble. God said to appreciate every moment and be gracious. i love God and what He has told us to do. i love being Muslim, too. because its NOT the terrorists religion.
i wish i could afford to do nice things for people.
i wish i looked like the way i did when i was 16
i don't like saying ' i wish' .
i can't wait to start the rest of my life.
i don't like people who show off. i don't like people who are gold diggers. i don't like people who climb to the 'top' and forget who got them there. i don't like people who judge others to be inferior because its not what they chose for themselves. i don't like people who judge me for what they don't see. i don't like people who can't handle me.
be humble. God said to appreciate every moment and be gracious. i love God and what He has told us to do. i love being Muslim, too. because its NOT the terrorists religion.
i wish i could afford to do nice things for people.
i wish i looked like the way i did when i was 16
i don't like saying ' i wish' .
i can't wait to start the rest of my life.
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
will you marry me?
i am absolutely dying to hear those words come out of my boy's mouth. and not in a joking way.
am i ready to get married right now? absolutely not. i'm 20 years old. what i do want, however, is a pretty ring on my left ring finger, and to know that i will spend the rest of my life with carlos alberto plazas, jr. i'm not going to lie and say tht the ring doesnt matter, because it does. i want everyone to know that i am [once we are] engaged. i want them to say, wow. you are one lucky girl. this may sound really selfish, but here's my reasoning.
at school, everyone hears about carlos. my room is decorated with navy stuff, i wear a lot of navy gear, and i bring him to any APO event that is when he's around. my frat knows him, my friends know him. and they know how proud of him i am, and how he is proud of me and how in love we are and how we work so well together. they know we'd do anything for each other, and people are really asking me when we are getting married. people ask him the same question! so it kills me to know that something as stupid as age is the thing that is blocking our way. oh and money, on my end, too. i'm a broke college kid. and we have dreams of a big beautiful wedding. we even have our reception hall picked out and the time of year.!
we have started talking about our wedding and stuff. i know he wants to marry me. well, he's realized now that he really does not have a choice. its either break up with me after commissioning or marry me eventually, and i'm too awesome to give up (; but real talk, we have discussed this. but i have a feeling that he's scared. terrified. of the biggest commitment of his life. none of his friends at home have girlfriends, and very few at the academy have girlfriends/fiances. the fact tht his parents also have constantly told him to 'enjoy life' and 'dont make the same mistake they did and marry too early' sticks in his head. i know that when carlos tells his mom he is engaged she will not be happy. she likes me, but she will not be happy and will tell him to wait till after he leaves the navy. but that is unfair to me, because i want to know when he will be deploying or if he is okay or any information about him, thank you very much. girlfriends and fiances get NO knowledge, or solace, or stability. i wouldnt mind waiting if we were both civilian, till we were 23 or so to get engaged and married 2 years later... but he joined the navy. that changes EVERYTHING.
i want him to be my fiance. i want to know that he is committed to me, and that the plans im making to go to grad school near him is worth it. i am not moving across the country away from all my family without a ring on my finger, and a promise that we will take care of each other forever. i love him so much, and i want the world to know it. i want the world to see it.
am i ready to get married right now? absolutely not. i'm 20 years old. what i do want, however, is a pretty ring on my left ring finger, and to know that i will spend the rest of my life with carlos alberto plazas, jr. i'm not going to lie and say tht the ring doesnt matter, because it does. i want everyone to know that i am [once we are] engaged. i want them to say, wow. you are one lucky girl. this may sound really selfish, but here's my reasoning.
at school, everyone hears about carlos. my room is decorated with navy stuff, i wear a lot of navy gear, and i bring him to any APO event that is when he's around. my frat knows him, my friends know him. and they know how proud of him i am, and how he is proud of me and how in love we are and how we work so well together. they know we'd do anything for each other, and people are really asking me when we are getting married. people ask him the same question! so it kills me to know that something as stupid as age is the thing that is blocking our way. oh and money, on my end, too. i'm a broke college kid. and we have dreams of a big beautiful wedding. we even have our reception hall picked out and the time of year.!
we have started talking about our wedding and stuff. i know he wants to marry me. well, he's realized now that he really does not have a choice. its either break up with me after commissioning or marry me eventually, and i'm too awesome to give up (; but real talk, we have discussed this. but i have a feeling that he's scared. terrified. of the biggest commitment of his life. none of his friends at home have girlfriends, and very few at the academy have girlfriends/fiances. the fact tht his parents also have constantly told him to 'enjoy life' and 'dont make the same mistake they did and marry too early' sticks in his head. i know that when carlos tells his mom he is engaged she will not be happy. she likes me, but she will not be happy and will tell him to wait till after he leaves the navy. but that is unfair to me, because i want to know when he will be deploying or if he is okay or any information about him, thank you very much. girlfriends and fiances get NO knowledge, or solace, or stability. i wouldnt mind waiting if we were both civilian, till we were 23 or so to get engaged and married 2 years later... but he joined the navy. that changes EVERYTHING.
i want him to be my fiance. i want to know that he is committed to me, and that the plans im making to go to grad school near him is worth it. i am not moving across the country away from all my family without a ring on my finger, and a promise that we will take care of each other forever. i love him so much, and i want the world to know it. i want the world to see it.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
back at home.
so monday i woke up and decided i did not want to stay alone at my apartment anymore. i decided that i was going to avoid my dad and brother but stay here at home. i'm really glad i did. and im also very grateful that my mother is getting better at this 'growing up in america' thing.
did my taxes, yesterday, like a grownup. usually my dad gets my taxes done at his accountant, but i did them myself this year! here's hoping that i don't get ripped off lol.
today i was at tcnj and had a good time (: definitely some much needed chilling time.
and tomorrow i'm going to nyc! im pretty excited, especially to see DASH!the kardashians nyc store. im obsessed with them, and i'm hoping that at least SOMETHING there is affordable, haha.
i really miss my boy. one thing that really really gets to me, is not when hes at usna, strangely enough. but when he's out on a trip or out of the country. out of the country, for obvious reasons, i can't talk to him and since we are long distance, phone calls & webchats make up a majority of our communication. my boy has been known to say he'll call and he doesnt, but he has gotten so much better at changing it and it makes me SO happy. i know i get super annoying with reminding him, or whatever, but its not like i want to stay on the phone with him all day while he's out. a few minutes in the morning and our daily nighttime phone call. i dont think its too much to ask, and he knows it means so much to me. its really hard for me to sleep without hearing his voice. so he is getting better at this and honestly its the littlest thing but really keeps me sane. anyway, he just landed in PR today, and hes gonna have a great time for the rest of break. im so jealous! i know he misses me too, because he tells me every night, but i am still happy that he's still able to have a great time with his good friends in mgc. he deserves it.
*crosses fingers* hopefully we can take a mini vacayyy, just me and him this summer. i'm so excited! <3
did my taxes, yesterday, like a grownup. usually my dad gets my taxes done at his accountant, but i did them myself this year! here's hoping that i don't get ripped off lol.
today i was at tcnj and had a good time (: definitely some much needed chilling time.
and tomorrow i'm going to nyc! im pretty excited, especially to see DASH!the kardashians nyc store. im obsessed with them, and i'm hoping that at least SOMETHING there is affordable, haha.
i really miss my boy. one thing that really really gets to me, is not when hes at usna, strangely enough. but when he's out on a trip or out of the country. out of the country, for obvious reasons, i can't talk to him and since we are long distance, phone calls & webchats make up a majority of our communication. my boy has been known to say he'll call and he doesnt, but he has gotten so much better at changing it and it makes me SO happy. i know i get super annoying with reminding him, or whatever, but its not like i want to stay on the phone with him all day while he's out. a few minutes in the morning and our daily nighttime phone call. i dont think its too much to ask, and he knows it means so much to me. its really hard for me to sleep without hearing his voice. so he is getting better at this and honestly its the littlest thing but really keeps me sane. anyway, he just landed in PR today, and hes gonna have a great time for the rest of break. im so jealous! i know he misses me too, because he tells me every night, but i am still happy that he's still able to have a great time with his good friends in mgc. he deserves it.
*crosses fingers* hopefully we can take a mini vacayyy, just me and him this summer. i'm so excited! <3
Sunday, March 13, 2011
chaos.
so spring break started on friday, and i gotta say it started off ridiculously
so i did fieldwork for 4 weeks at an elementary school in a 3rd grade classroom, and this last day was HECTIC. CHAOTIC. REALLY REALLY REALLY CRAZY. the kids were yelling and out of their seats and just uncontrollable. i do miss them though, and they are goodhearted little kids. i definitely want to visit them soon :)
friday was actually really nice at home, i had a great time. saturday was just .... not okay. really not okay. i just hope this divorce goes through quickly.
long story short, im back at rutgers. my sister stayed with me this weekend, and my mom came early this morning and stayed for the day. im really really grateful for that. i miss them so much, and i wish i could go back home with them.
tomorrow i'm going to get my taxes done and get work finished as well. tuesday i'm going down to tcnj and wednesday to the city. still wanna take a mini trip somewhere for the weekend....
i need something to keep my mind off of this. i wish more than anything in the world i was in orlando and puerto rico with my boy. more than anything. i hate not being able to afford things. i hate that the navy spends so much money on the midshipmen for useless things and invests so much money into them. i know theyre doing something very noble for the country and the world and for us, but quite honestly, a lot of them don't deserve it, and because of it, their egos explode. i want more than anything to be able to afford things like it seems that everyone else can.
why did God choose me for this kind of life? why did my family have to be so fucked up? why did my family have to have all this trouble? why couldnt i grow up in a house where my parents love each other and be happy together? why can't we go on vacations and family things like we used to? now its a struggle to get groceries in our house. i have no savings, no stability whatsoever from my family. i am so afraid for my future its scary. nothing terrifies me more than the idea of what happens to me. why can everyone else go away on vacations and enjoy their life? why am i always so miserable and afraid of my life? i have no idea what to do. all i want is to be normal and happy like everyone else.
so i did fieldwork for 4 weeks at an elementary school in a 3rd grade classroom, and this last day was HECTIC. CHAOTIC. REALLY REALLY REALLY CRAZY. the kids were yelling and out of their seats and just uncontrollable. i do miss them though, and they are goodhearted little kids. i definitely want to visit them soon :)
friday was actually really nice at home, i had a great time. saturday was just .... not okay. really not okay. i just hope this divorce goes through quickly.
long story short, im back at rutgers. my sister stayed with me this weekend, and my mom came early this morning and stayed for the day. im really really grateful for that. i miss them so much, and i wish i could go back home with them.
tomorrow i'm going to get my taxes done and get work finished as well. tuesday i'm going down to tcnj and wednesday to the city. still wanna take a mini trip somewhere for the weekend....
i need something to keep my mind off of this. i wish more than anything in the world i was in orlando and puerto rico with my boy. more than anything. i hate not being able to afford things. i hate that the navy spends so much money on the midshipmen for useless things and invests so much money into them. i know theyre doing something very noble for the country and the world and for us, but quite honestly, a lot of them don't deserve it, and because of it, their egos explode. i want more than anything to be able to afford things like it seems that everyone else can.
why did God choose me for this kind of life? why did my family have to be so fucked up? why did my family have to have all this trouble? why couldnt i grow up in a house where my parents love each other and be happy together? why can't we go on vacations and family things like we used to? now its a struggle to get groceries in our house. i have no savings, no stability whatsoever from my family. i am so afraid for my future its scary. nothing terrifies me more than the idea of what happens to me. why can everyone else go away on vacations and enjoy their life? why am i always so miserable and afraid of my life? i have no idea what to do. all i want is to be normal and happy like everyone else.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
spring break 11
so i'm broke and am not traveling anywhere fun for break. im sad that i'm not going with MGC to orlando & puerto rico, but hey, i save a few thousand i dont have and the boy gets his time with his boys. lol. guess i just gotta suck it up and deal with it. i never get him back for spring break anyways =/
so i think im going to spend it doing the following :
1) grad school hunting! hoping for UWash or UCal San Diego, but i of course gotta apply everywhere near jacksonville, norfolk, seattle, hawaii, and san diego!
2) apartment hunting so im not homeless for next year. thanks rutgers.
3) applying for internships
4) GRE GRE GRE GRES!
5) applying for loans so i can afford my rent and tuition
6) doing my taxes
7) study for physio! and the upcoming exams i have ugh
8) oh yeah, and have a social life.
if anyone will be in nyc or nj , hittttt me up (;
currently im sitting in lab, DYING for it to get over and let my fun night begin!
so i think im going to spend it doing the following :
1) grad school hunting! hoping for UWash or UCal San Diego, but i of course gotta apply everywhere near jacksonville, norfolk, seattle, hawaii, and san diego!
2) apartment hunting so im not homeless for next year. thanks rutgers.
3) applying for internships
4) GRE GRE GRE GRES!
5) applying for loans so i can afford my rent and tuition
6) doing my taxes
7) study for physio! and the upcoming exams i have ugh
8) oh yeah, and have a social life.
if anyone will be in nyc or nj , hittttt me up (;
currently im sitting in lab, DYING for it to get over and let my fun night begin!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
first post.
well, i guess it's about time i hit 2011 (or maybe like, 2005 or something for that matter) and start blogging.
so for starters... it's almost spring break! and i'm doing absolutely nothing exciting.... oh joy. lol. the boy is travelling with mens glee club to orlando and puerto rico, and i'm so jealous! i know he'll have an awesome time. as for me, well, i'm too broke to travel anywhere cool, quite frankly. i'm probably going to spend the week looking into grad schools, internships, applying for my last year of undergrad loans, and apartment hunting for next year. ill probably end up in new york city at least once during break, and at the mall about a billion times. i hope this week doesn't go by too fast, but at the same time, i'm dying for the semester to be over so i hope it does!
apartment hunting.
so since rutgers likes to 'randomly' hand out lottery to their students, (aka give the freshmen all the good ones, so theyll be inclined to live on campus) my roommate and i have nowhere to live next semester! we've been apartment hunting. BUT i just got an email saying that I could apply to be an RA in a psychology 'special interest' freshman dorm. i'd get paid and im guaranteed a single room! i dont know what to do because i DO NOT want to ditch my roommate, and i DO NOT want a meal plan for nasty overpriced undercooked food , but at the same time these apartments are NOT what we are hoping for. either waaaayyy to pricey, or are too unsafe of a neighborhood. that's what i get for going to school in new brunz, i guess. here's hoping for an affordable apartment that pops up soon! haha.
so for starters... it's almost spring break! and i'm doing absolutely nothing exciting.... oh joy. lol. the boy is travelling with mens glee club to orlando and puerto rico, and i'm so jealous! i know he'll have an awesome time. as for me, well, i'm too broke to travel anywhere cool, quite frankly. i'm probably going to spend the week looking into grad schools, internships, applying for my last year of undergrad loans, and apartment hunting for next year. ill probably end up in new york city at least once during break, and at the mall about a billion times. i hope this week doesn't go by too fast, but at the same time, i'm dying for the semester to be over so i hope it does!
apartment hunting.
so since rutgers likes to 'randomly' hand out lottery to their students, (aka give the freshmen all the good ones, so theyll be inclined to live on campus) my roommate and i have nowhere to live next semester! we've been apartment hunting. BUT i just got an email saying that I could apply to be an RA in a psychology 'special interest' freshman dorm. i'd get paid and im guaranteed a single room! i dont know what to do because i DO NOT want to ditch my roommate, and i DO NOT want a meal plan for nasty overpriced undercooked food , but at the same time these apartments are NOT what we are hoping for. either waaaayyy to pricey, or are too unsafe of a neighborhood. that's what i get for going to school in new brunz, i guess. here's hoping for an affordable apartment that pops up soon! haha.
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