will you marry me?

i am absolutely dying to hear those words come out of my boy's mouth. and not in a joking way.
am i ready to get married right now? absolutely not. i'm 20 years old. what i do want, however, is a pretty ring on my left ring finger, and to know that i will spend the rest of my life with carlos alberto plazas, jr. i'm not going to lie and say tht the ring doesnt matter, because it does. i want everyone to know that i am [once we are] engaged. i want them to say, wow. you are one lucky girl. this may sound really selfish, but here's my reasoning.

at school, everyone hears about carlos. my room is decorated with navy stuff, i wear a lot of navy gear, and i bring him to any APO event that is when he's around. my frat knows him, my friends know him. and they know how proud of him i am, and how he is proud of me and how in love we are and how we work so well together. they know we'd do anything for each other, and people are really asking me when we are getting married. people ask him the same question! so it kills me to know that something as stupid as age is the thing that is blocking our way. oh and money, on my end, too. i'm a broke college kid. and we have dreams of a big beautiful wedding. we even have our reception hall picked out and the time of year.!

we have started talking about our wedding and stuff. i know he wants to marry me. well, he's realized now that he really does not have a choice. its either break up with me after commissioning or marry me eventually, and i'm too awesome to give up (; but real talk, we have discussed this. but i have a feeling that he's scared. terrified. of the biggest commitment of his life. none of his friends at home have girlfriends, and very few at the academy have girlfriends/fiances. the fact tht his parents also have constantly told him to 'enjoy life' and 'dont make the same mistake they did and marry too early' sticks in his head. i know that when carlos tells his mom he is engaged she will not be happy. she likes me, but she will not be happy and will tell him to wait till after he leaves the navy. but that is unfair to me, because i want to know when he will be deploying or if he is okay or any information about him, thank you very much. girlfriends and fiances get NO knowledge, or solace, or stability. i wouldnt mind waiting if we were both civilian, till we were 23 or so to get engaged and married 2 years later... but he joined the navy. that changes EVERYTHING.

i want him to be my fiance. i want to know that he is committed to me, and that the plans im making to go to grad school near him is worth it. i am not moving across the country away from all my family without a ring on my finger, and a promise that we will take care of each other forever. i love him so much, and i want the world to know it. i want the world to see it.